The Masculine Heart
I was first introduced to the idea of the masculine heart by my friend Paul several years ago. A concept he created along his own life’s journey, which he was developing into a coaching program at the time. It wasn’t a concrete idea I could easily wrap my head around and so I met it with skepticism. ‘If it can’t be proven it can’t be real’ was my general attitude, never mind that I was wrapped up piously in religious dogma and never saw the irony. I had a real sick up my ass. Anything that sounded like wishy-washy woo-talk went in one ear and out the other. Nevertheless, Paul and I continued to build our friendship in other ways.
What I did see, was that people were weak - and it bothered me. Where were willpower, discipline, and strength? Throughout my 20s I was seeking role models, and while I did find people who embodied traits that I valued, I most often turned to fiction to find the masculine power I was so attracted to – Captain America being my favorite among the legends. Endless searching and emulating somehow seemed the right path, I worked very hard to be strong, confident and capable. In the end I was left disillusioned anyway. I didn’t become who I’d hoped and as an unintended consequence of so much self-centered, self-growth effort I became starved and desperate for connection to others. Finally, it occurred to me one day that Paul’s message actually touched on values I was already searching for. I considered, for a moment, that the quest to find men who would perfectly demonstrate an ideal that I could emulate was unrealistic. Role models could help me resonate with core values - but to search outward only, without going deep into my own heart to find truth, prevented my progress. Somehow, I was trying to become Captain America despite the impossibility. I am me, and I am enough. The attributes I admired were available to me, all I needed to do was look inward.
I didn’t realize I had just set myself up for one hell of a campaign to reclaim my heart.
It turns out that my lack of introspection isn’t uncommon. So many men have deviated from harmony with the true self – traded instead for a detached shell of a life full of distraction and emotional avoidance. Guys everywhere replace purpose with career, abandon authenticity in order to belong, give up on love by seeking pleasure, and lose strength chasing fun. We forget our hearts, lose our minds, and become unconscious to our deeper self. Our hearts cannot be suppressed like this without creating intense friction with the false identity we create instead. And so, we suffer depression, anxiety, hopelessness, and even debilitating physical disease. We know we can do better, the heart calls.
What is the heart?
The heart represents the core of our values and priorities, it uses emotion to communicate, and has a subconscious memory of its own - storing our deepest emotions including those surrounding trauma. The masculine heart is simply the heart of a man. It is male – core to his identity. Inside the masculine heart is a wildness, a strength, and a beauty, having evolved masterfully through the many eons of our history. It is ripe for discovery and yours to reclaim if you’re willing to go deep inside and heal.
“Your heart is more than a metaphor: the heart is your sub-conscious mind and is literally your energetic connection to your life and life around you.”
Paul Cropper
PhD, Mentor & Coach
Paul Michael 🤙 (@earthpaul) • Instagram photos and videos
https://paulcropper.com/
Rejection of the Heart
There are many reasons why we suppress our hearts. It’s a natural coping mechanism when faced with trauma and other negative emotions. Without realizing, we train ourselves to avoid emotion - foolishly believing that we’re conquering our weakness. Ultimately, chasing positivity and perceived mental strength tears us in two. Our heart often becomes unconscious to us, and our minds take over creating complete heart and mind misalignment.
There are also men who fundamentally deny their hearts by clinging to external sources for their understanding of masculinity. As a result, some deny that there exists a unique masculine identity worthy of pursuit – often associating maleness with toxicity or antiquated social structure. Others use masculinity as a social façade, demanding of themselves fierce adherence to “masculine” behavior, believing that masculine compassion, masculine tenderness, and masculine nurture are traits that do not exist.
The Journey
Maybe you’ve avoided living from your heart because you believe emotions ‘don’t make sense’ or you’ve seen ‘emotional’ people fuck up their lives. Perhaps you harbor intense shame because you don’t feel that you measure up to a masculine ideal. Whatever it is that has caused you to suppress your heart, you’re here, now, looking for an opportunity to relate differently to yourself. This is the great undertaking of a heartstrong man.
You can only find wholeness by integrating heart and mind. Bringing the heart to consciousness involves embracing emotion, working though fear and trauma, and cultivating values and priorities. This ensures all of our mind-power is moving in the right direction.
The journey is not easy. Actually, the process is uncomfortable as hell sometimes. The underdeveloped heart is remarkably immature. It lashes out, blames, is jealous, passive aggressive, and petty. It holds stories and beliefs that are false and feel awful to acknowledge. Stories full of reasons why you are worthless, inept, unattractive and a whole host of false narratives that play themselves out when the heart has been caged for so long. Encountering all of this can be overwhelming. However, with time and intention, you can reclaim your heart and find truth and wholeness. When we take responsibility for defining priorities and living our values we find meaning, purpose, and identity. When you give the heart a chance to speak it may thrash about with anger or wallow in sadness, but if you meet it with compassion and patience, over time, your masculine heart will reveal parts of you that you didn’t know existed and bring with that knowledge incredible joy. You will find that the attributes you admire so much in others are right there inside you. In the end, your heart will feel a natural part of you, integrated with mind and body. It will no longer be you and your heart getting along and working together. It will just be you, being a man.
“In the end it will no longer be you and your heart – it will just be you, being a man.”
How Do I Begin?
In the coming posts we’ll talk about tools that help us understand our hearts and allow life to flow from them. Having found a better way for myself, I want so much for others to experience the incredible adventure of a life lived heartfully. I’m so excited to finally share. For now you can jump into learning more about the masculine heart and consider being coached by Paul at paulcropper.com